I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
