so explain again why im purple
no
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
