you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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