she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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