Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
