Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
