i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
