as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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