I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
