Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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