I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
