so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sext me about skeletons
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
