I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize