goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
