saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
