Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
