i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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