Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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