she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
