So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
