I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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