In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
