I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
