fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
