Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
