I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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