she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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