did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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