Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
