I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
