I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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