My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
