some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
