Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
