Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize