Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
