When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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