I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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