i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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