and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
