Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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