The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just invented taco cereal.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
