He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
