No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
