Tell her she can't have a vagina
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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