Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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