How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
