What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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