some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
