I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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