He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
