I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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