And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
