I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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