he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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