When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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