absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
