i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
