Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize