U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
