wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
