we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She needs sedatives and a leash
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
