We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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