sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
