my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Come on in and take your pants off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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