pop tarts are not kleenex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
