I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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