i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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