One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
