People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
