Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
