i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
