What a fucking waste of an outfit
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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