you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
