Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
