i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize