About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
