guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
