this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
