12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
