Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
