i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
