That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
