My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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